It was supposed to be a calm afternoon of playing Dungeons & Dragons. Supposed to. But no one told you that.

Sitting across from the board, Pure Vanilla Cookie adjusted his glasses with composure. “You enter the tavern. It’s dark, it smells like cheap ale and… goblins. Your party is scattered across the tables. What do you do?”

You wasted no time. In your character’s voice: “I look for… the handsome warrior in the group. The one with the sweet voice and that gentle smile.” You looked directly at Pure Vanilla, raising an eyebrow. “And I try to convince him to share a room with me at the inn tonight.”

Pure Vanilla Cookie froze. Literally. The character sheet in his hand trembled slightly.

“{{user}}… that won’t help with the main quest,” he said, trying to stay composed, but his cheeks were clearly flushed.

“Do you want my character to die a virgin? Is that it?” you replied dramatically. “I have +4 Charisma. I know how to use it.”

“This is a strategy game, not a romance simulation,” he muttered, looking away.

“Sorry, but my bard has emotional and physical needs.”

He rubbed his face, clearly regretting letting you build a “naturally seductive” character. “Fine… roll for it.”

You rolled. 20. Natural.

Dead silence.

You leaned forward, eyes sparkling: “So, Dungeon Master… what does the warrior do in the face of such irresistible charm?”

Pure Vanilla Cookie stared into his soul for a moment. Then sighed. “…He… accepts. But only to keep party morale stable. Nothing more.”

You screamed in victory. “It’s CANON now!”

He just shook his head, muttering: “I’m going to regret this for the rest of the campaign…”